The Self-Love Revolution. Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color
by Virgie Tovar
I recently had the privilege and honor of reading this book before they hit the shelves in partnership with Clever. Self Love Revolution is a necessary conversation that every individual needs to have with themselves and their friend circles. It breaks down our society and the beauty standards that we tend to uphold for ourselves and others. Knowing the ‘why’ behind our cultural standards helps us to fully unpack what it means to be and feel beautiful in the world we live in. At the end of each chapter there’s a journal prompt that is a means to aid us in unearthing learned behavior and offers us a chance to really question why we think the way that we do.
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Part 1: Our Crazy World
The first part of the book talks about the large scale impact of how society has had a large impact on one’s self esteem, especially when it comes to beauty standards. She goes on to say that much of the beauty standards around the world are at the expense of women. Once you realize it: the almost impossible slender body types of western culture to the larger bodies of Niger you can start to dismantle these complex ideals that force you to conform and instead put that energy elsewhere. She then hits you with another notion: that racism has shaped what is considered beautiful. It makes sense though. White individuals, especially of European decent, have been in power and have been colonizing much of the world. This has lead to the belief that lighter eyes, lighter skin, and a European body type have become the pinnacle of what is considered beautiful. It’s this fact that I’ve always know, but having it be reaffirmed in text has bolstered the fact that I’m not crazy. It also opens up the floor to allow you to forgive yourself to being indoctrinated in believing that you were lesser than just because you couldn’t fit such a stringent mold.
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Part 2: Thoughts on Common Body Confusions
The second part of the Self Love Revolution brings the focus in a little closer to events and such that happens directly to your person and your circle. This includes your family, friends, work environment, school, and everything that effects you. The first she addresses is your family and they they might criticize the your body, the way you dress, and/or what you put into your mouth. It might be them projecting their insecurities on you, the need to control you, or fear that something may happen to you if you stand out too much. Virgie reminds us that it is not our burden to bear if they have an issue with you and your body. It is healthy and responsible to cut off family members that are incredibly toxic and won’t change their ways for a healthier relationship. The generational trauma can and should be broken by eliminating harmful traditions.
Virgie also delves into the industry selling us “Confidence” as this big all fix it, when it’s really just band-aid for what is really needed: unconditional, radical self-love.
“Self-love is about recognizing and accepting that you are precious and valuable -unconditionally- and creating a life that honors that truth”
One of my favorite parts about this book is reading about her take on trolls. Trolls are people on the internet or in real life who like to make intentionally negative and hurt comments about your beliefs and person. Trolls act our of fear: they fear that if the world changes the status quo then they would lose their power. Trolls are abusive and they try to undercut your self esteem because it gives them power and control over you. She gives you steps on how to check in with your mental health after an encounter, and some useful tips on how to create a safer space for yourself if you want to avoid them.
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Part 3: Be You, Not What Someone Else Thinks You Should Be
The conclusion to this book centers in yourself, your body and mind, and the expectations that you should have for yourself. It’s about putting guidelines for yourself to reinforce a healthy sense mental and physical well-being. Virgie gives some important advice (at least to me): say ‘no’ at least once a day. It’s a healthy way of establishing boundaries for yourself and for those around you. It gives you the necessary control you need to navigate healthier choices. You have limited time and energy, and you deserve to put as much of that into making yourself into the happiest version of yourself possible.
Final Thoughts
I love this book so so much, and I anticipate that I’ll be reading and rereading this for years to come. It has so much necessary commentary on the world and society we live in, as well as the tools that we will need to dismantle our societal learnings in favor of teachings that are healthier for our wellbeing. I wish I had this book when I was younger. I wish I had a Virgie Tovar to help me navigate my younger self. The journal prompts are necessary, and I strongly advise that you keep a notebook to write these down and revisit them often to check in with yourself.
You can buy her book on Amazon for less than $20!!